February 9, 2013

• 7,000 Ways to Listen?

  It is sadly amazing how few people really listen any more.  Self-absorption is a growing social crisis.

  Listening is arguably the most important aspect of communication, and communication is arguably the most important aspect of relationships, and relationships are arguably the most important aspect of life.  To me, at least.  You?

  I recently bought several books for the first time in many, many months.  I read online, read magazines, and borrow from the local library regularly, but I quit buying books quite a while ago.  Not sure why I decided to start the new year buying, but I did.  I’m glad I did, too.

  One book I’m reading and enjoying is here:

  http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Thousand-Ways-Listen-Staying/dp/145167466X

  The author’s title comes from the discovery that humans use approximately 7,000 languages–and that if there are 7,000 languages (ways to speak), there must be 7,000 ways to listen.  I found that perspective intriguing enough to buy the book, which has not disappointed.  It’s even my favorite color, blue.

  I won’t ask you for 7,000 ways to listen, but I will ask you to name 7 ways that you listen.  People and situations differ; one way to listen is not nearly enough to manage relationships effectively.  Here are 7 ways I listen:

  1. Stop doing other things; focus on the person communicating (whether in person, phone, chat, email, text, etc.)
  2. Acknowledge/call attention to the fact that I am focused on the person communicating
  3. Engage–make eye contact if possible, watch for non-verbal indicators of emotion, stress, additional information, etc.
  4. State sympathy/understanding of anything challenging that has been expressed.
  5. Rephrase anything confusing or obviously important to confirm understanding.
  6. Ask questions to clarify statements or get additional information.
  7. Affirm the value of the person and the time spent communicating so others will want to do so again.

  • 4:14 pm
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